dance with angels

2008-07-13T19:56:00.000-07:00

Oh where are you Lord?

You seem to be getting further and further each day

I can't find you anymore Lord.

Things are not the same as before, in fact they're getting worse

I can't feel you anymore, where are you Lord?

There are times when I just want to run away, to some place like the picture above. To be by myself and to find myself again. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, I don't know how to face the trouble awaiting me. I don't know how to handle it and I'm not looking forward to facing it head on. Is this a test Lord? If it is, I'm gonna fail it.

2008-05-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

Back then when emotions were real and raw
Back then where everything didn't feel and seem mundane
Back then where passion and zest where still around
Back then where everything was fine

take me back to the past please.

2007-11-24T23:00:00.000-08:00

Happy confirmation y'all!!

After today, the real test begins

2007-08-26T01:53:00.004-07:00

We went to the religious communities last last week, ours was at St. Mary of the Angels which is super far, we took public transport which took us like 1 hour plus to get there and by the time we got there we were already exhausted to listen to anything, not forgetting we had to climb a mini hill to get to the church. But I had fun, lots of fun with the girls who waited for me as I tied my shoe laces everytime we had to remove our shoes, and how even though we seldom talked in church we were like a family because of this trip we were brought closer . Haha, i love my group lah, yes they irritate me at times but ultimately I still love them alot alot alot.

I am so so so so sick of school, I'm sick of getting used by everybody, when there's no one to stay back they'll get me to do, and the timings when i end are so unconfirmed. I feel so tired of it, I just feel like just shouting at everyone and leaving. But I know I can't, I can't do that. The only thing that's getting me through everyday is Jesus, yes corny as it sounds, I don't know what I do without my faith. Everytime I want to do something that will hurt someone, I close my eyes and start praying, and them I'll bite my tongue and walk away.

Yes, another cut throat week starts tomorrow, have a good week ahead. God bless you! :)

You are my freedom
Jesus You're the reason
I'm kneeling again at Your Throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my Life

2007-07-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

I went for adelyn's house warming cum house blessing on sunday, her house was at Kovan melody, and I tell you it was so beautiful! Her house faces the swimming pool and the swimming pool (s) is/are huge. There are slides and like water pistols for the kids to play and adelyn's house has a platform bed, a balcony and 4 flat screen tvs, i love her house! Father Luke came to bless her house, he is so so so so SO corny please and having him make fun of me reminds me of Father brian whom I miss dearly. :/ It was great bonding with the girls, we had fun oogling at how beautiful her house was, and enjoying her flat screen tvs.

I got lost in sengkang today, stupid yes i know, but how the hell would I know that I can only board the LRT if the light is yellow and not red or orange. Anyhow I boarded the train thinking that it would go back to the same place as always but it didn't. It started going to the stops where there seemed to be alot of trees and it was deserted and when I wanted to get down the opposite side going back to Compass point were closed and then when it reached fernville, i decided to get down. When I got out of the LRT station, I had no idea how to get back, so I called Nancy for help and she didn't answer her phone. At the point I was feeling quite scared, luckily I had called and told my friends that I'll be late, I stood at the side of the road feeling worried and I started praying that God would help me find a way back. I flagged for a few cabs and then one finally stopped for me, and I told the uncle how I got lost and everything and then he explained to me about the whole orange and yellow lights thing, i eventually I reached and the moment i walked in everyone started laughing.

I'm going for the NDP preview tomorrow, I hope it'll be good. Marina bay with the sea and the ferris wheel, I love it. And oh fireworks too! WOOOT! :)

2007-07-13T06:16:00.000-07:00

Today some drama happened in school , sue and I just sat and watched the two parties quarrel and fight. And then after all the shouting and name calling was over, both of them took turns to complain to us and asked who we think was in the wrong, these are times when I wish I could just leave all of the stupid childish fighting behind , we just starred at the both of them and refused to say anything. Whatever happened to teamwork and give and take, i have no idea.

Drama, drama, drama.....

2007-07-12T06:09:00.000-07:00

Helloooo!

Life has been stagnant recently, school's like a rollercoaster ride with the constant lows and the occasional highs, keyboard is slowly improving and chruch well church is the only thing that keeps me rooted and sane I guess. We're having class with the sec 3 kids and it really really makes me feel old when I talk to them, and it brings back memories of when I was their age, haha and I can see the difference be it good or bad there is a difference.

I find it difficult to focus on things sometimes, take music for example, I've been learning organ for like the past 10 years or so, yes a long time i know, but if you ask me to just play a song, any song, I find it difficult to do it. I don't know why, and that's the reason why my keyboard has been progressing so slowly. I really really need to focus, but it's so damm hard.

Recently I heard from a friend that my ex- principal's husband is very sick, he is in a coma now and any moment he can just leave and now it's up to my ex- principal to make the decision of whether to let him go or to let him stay a few more days by prolonging his life with the life- support machine. And she's finding it extremely difficult to make the decision because I quote as she says " I love him too much to let him go, and I hate the decision that I have to make with his life.". I haven't seen her husband or her before for that matter, but i always hear my friends talk about them and I can feel the love they have for the both of them, now everyone is feeling sad and helpless because all of them want to help but can't because there's absoutely nothing they can do. And as I sat in the bus today, it stuck me that life's so so short and how helpless someone can be when faced with problems like these. I prayed for them though, but I know that if God decides that yuup it's time for him to go now, i know he'll go to somewhere where he'll suffer no more. But it's still saddening to see my friends who actually appear strong are so weak on the inside, and I feel sad too. :(

It's been so long since I've written a post that this long, oh well be safe and take care yar?

I try so fucking hard but i can't fit your mould

2007-06-14T07:18:00.001-07:00

And i'll praise you in this storm

and i will lift my hands

that you are who you are

no matter where I am

and every tear I've cried

you hold in your hand

you never left my side

and though my heart is torn

I will praise you in this storm

For all of you who are going through a tough period of time now, listen to the song " Praise you in this storm" and maybe you'll find comfort in it. I'm still trying to pick myself up, it's damm hard though and it gets harder and harder each day. And it's no help when you're constantly reminded of it. :(

But no worries, I'll get through it, I'm sure i will..... I hope I will.

2007-06-03T01:50:00.000-07:00

The entire post i typed just vanished! :(

Anyway, i went shopping with natasha today and she bought so many things today and after that she said " ok, I'm done shopping for the next half of the year until christmas." i was like WHAT?! and haha we almost got lost so many times that it's a wonder that we're singaporeans.

Today was a good good day, shopping was good, church was quite good and well basically I enjoyed myself thoroughly today which I haven't done so for a very long time.
The only thing that's annoying me now, it's the computer that I'm using. It has like a bloody mind of it's own, opening windows and "typing" weird letters and nothing i click seem to stop it. Bah, i think dad needs to get a new computer.

Con camp's next week, and I'm kinda excited for it but I hope I'll know at least one person in y group, the kids are like what 15 years old and most of us in RCIY are a few if not many years older than them. Natasha and I are going so much later than the rest of them and we were saying that we'll probably sit in some corner alone cos no one knows us. OK that won't happen, but still you can't blame us for thinking the worst. :)

I'm currently at a crossroad now, I've made a decision, but knowing what an indecisive idiot I am, I can't help but feel a little regretful for making that decision, i know i shouldn't but i really think I shouldn't have done it, shucks.

Oh well, I've got to go now, have a good week ahead. :)

2007-05-30T06:11:00.003-07:00

Honestly speaking, these days I rather go to school than stay at home and face all the crap that my parents are giving me, one behaves like a damm baby and the other behaves like a moron. Match made in heaven, I think so.

I was watching the little mermaid in school today, and I was wondereing to myself, what if the mermaid did not get the happy ending she wanted, she would have to suffer with the sea witch. Or what if the prince in the story did not fall for her, wouldn't she have like given up already for nothing. Then I thought to myself aagain, all disney movies have happy endings, probably not to scare the kids but think about it what if somebody else could wear the glass slipper that Cinderella left behind, i mean people do have the same shoe size like natasha and me, or what if the prince in snow white didn't happen to pass by and kiss her. I mean how can you kiss someone you don't know.

yes yes, you'll probably tell me, it's just cartoon and it's made for kids, but really, in this cruel world of ours there's no such thing as a happy ending. It's true, they say if you marry your boyfriend or girlfriend it's a happy ending. Like come on, who can promise that your love will last forever, i know people who are married just for the sake of their children but there's no love between them at all.

These are times when I just feel like slapping myself, I'm facing so much shit now I think I'm on the verge of just giving up soon. Urgh, happiness, please.

Oh well, thoughts of the day I guess, please take care of yourself, see you soon.

When the tears have finally stopped flowing,
when you have just stopped caring
is when you realise that
you were a fool for believing that
there are things like happy endings

2007-05-19T05:03:00.000-07:00

Hello, how was your week? Mine was alright i guess, although there were times when I felt like it was passing so slowly.

I was listening to this song " Oceans will part" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3brTzDAZus&mode=user&search, please click on it if you want to listen to it, (it's hillsongs by the way.), and I was i don't know inspired? Haha, by the way the keyboard was played and the lyrics too, I know how to play the keyboard thanks to Josiah and Alex I guess, but it was never good. After listening to the song, a thought suddenly struck me, it I am given the gift why not make use of it well. So that's why, now I'm determined to improve at my keyboard playing skills. By playing well, I'm going to bring Jesus to others and at the same time in 6 years time when Voon and I go to Africa to help the kids there, I don't know maybe this skill of mine will come in handy.

Haha, yes yes big dreams and ambitions I know, but I'm willing to find time to practice and yes I'm going to finally call my organ teacher and clear my grade 8. And I want to bring joy and Jesus to others. JJ. Ok that was retarded.

Oh well, I hope this post makes sense. Haha, have a good weekend! :)

in my life your will be done.

2007-05-15T06:51:00.001-07:00

someone once told me
only when you go through
the darkest tunnel in life
then you will see
the tiny light that was shinning all the time.

Today was an extremely long day, i was so tired that I almost fell asleep in class. :/ The only good thing was when i got home I had a very very big lollipop. I love lollipops. Haha I really hope natasha goes with me to my favourite-st park on sunday after church, i have so much contempt inside of me i need to get it out.

I feel so tired, I can't carry on anymore. Oh well, it's time to go and pray, hopefully things will change for the better.

2007-05-06T01:12:00.000-07:00

I love going to parks, it's so therapeutic, and i love love swings.

And we had a mini celebration for natasha in church today, i hoped she enjoyed it. Haha, the look on her face was ... priceless.
so my bestest ellemy, if you're reading this, HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY!! We really hope you enjoyed yourself and yes yes you know we love you. :)

Kwai was being an angel for the day today, haha. She really made me feel so much better,and the talk that we had was so good. We talked about everything from how shitty our lives are to planning our future. Haha thanks so much kwai.

Tomorrow's gonna be another long day again, oh well, have a good week ahead.

2007-05-02T06:16:00.001-07:00

Have you ever looked up at the sky and wondered if you made the right choice in life? And bus and car rides seem to be time for reflections about decisions that should have been made long time ago. And as you stare at everyone rushing to go somewhere, you wonder why is there so much ugliness in the world? And why a smile can be hiding a knife behind it, waiting to stab you any moment, when it's supposed to brighten up any day? You think to yourself why were you so stupid to decide like that and how you wish that time would just pass so quickly until it's time to go to bed, then you wake up the next morning and the whole thing starts all over again?
And you find yourself having to find courage and strength to start the day every single morning you're awake, and nothing seems to be comforting.

Life's being a bitch to me now, I hope your're surviving well. :(

2007-04-07T22:45:00.001-07:00

I've found a newfound joy and I can hardly contain it! I've never felt so happy before! I loooooove it. Thank you all for especially coming to the 3 hour long easter vigil mass and for all your wishes and gifts, I'm very thankful for all of you, I'll post pictures soon.

Haha, and just before baptism yesterday, I turned around to look at my sponsers, i saw them beaming like proud parents, I think they were overjoyed for us, and at that moment I almost burst out crying. It was so beautiful and everyone was happy last night, I think no one was upset.

I'm loving the new life that I've been given! :D

2007-03-19T01:27:00.000-07:00

Hello... Don't you just love bubbles? Why I do, if someone gave me a bubble blower and a bottle of soap, I tell you I'll be the happiest girl. Well, enough about bubbles, if Kwai or Juliet reads this, they'll probably make fun of me being a fish and living under the sea AGAIN.

So, I guess baptism's in about three weeks? And crystal's coming home in about a month's time, baptism wow. It's finally coming, but somehow the emptiness that I feel is not going away in fact i think it's getting stronger and stronger. I hate it, I really hate it, but no matter what I do it just doesn't help.

And I haven't spoken to Beatrice for about a month and a half now, it's kinda sad because I remember we used to talk everyday and now it's like I can't remember when was the last time we actually had a proper conversation. I guess we both have our own lives now but it's still pretty saddening. :(

On a happier note, I'm so grateful for Kwai. Yes, she annoys and makes fun of me like crazy, and I literally mean crazy but i think if without her many times I wouldn't know what to do. So yes Kwai, if you're reading this and I know you'll start laughing, as cliche and stupid as this may sound thank you for being you and being there for me always !!! :) :) :)

ok, i have to go and do my work now, see you soon.

2007-02-25T13:25:00.000-08:00

I haven't been updating here properly for a very long time! haha! :)

Well, I'm an elect now, you probably don't know what I mean by my fellow cathecuments- now elects probably will know. I guess it's one step closer to baptism and I can't wait for that day to come, but time seems to pass so quickly. I still remember it was just yesterday that I joined RCIY and now I'm preparing for batism.

Chinese new year was good, with all the new year goodies and not forgetting red packets! However, it would have been better if I didn't have a fever on the first day of chinese new year. :)

Recently, I've been getting this empty feeling in my heart, I've no idea how to get rid of it and praying does not seem to be helping. But oh well, I shall just continue praying and we'll see how it goes.

My cousin's going back to Melbourne tonight,we're not exactly very close but it's good to have family around and not half way around the world.And crystal's been to china for about three weeks now, I miss her so much. Can't wait for her to be back soon, things have definately been different since she's been to china. So crystal if you're reading this come back soon! I MISS YOU !!

ok, my aunty's coming with her 3 adorable but super annoying kids, I have to go now. Take care!

2007-02-13T11:30:00.000-08:00

It's scary when life suddenly changes just like that
Be strong kelly and Esther, be strong.

Take these broken hearts and make it right.

2007-02-01T01:27:00.000-08:00

" Darling, take your time to grow up. You have your whole life in front of you."

2007-01-30T13:20:00.000-08:00

I hate you, I hate you i hate you!!!! Since you like to sow discord so much, why don't you just remain in china wirth your favourite daughter and leave all of us alone. How old do you think you are? You nearly 4 times my age, how can you still believe that we treat you like crap. RAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

2007-01-23T22:52:00.000-08:00

I'm here to wish my dearest claresta a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! May God bless you always and hope that you'll have an awesome day! I love you!! ( even though you always wack me) :) :) :) :)

2007-01-15T11:35:00.000-08:00

Of all the things left unsaid
Of all the things left undone
This one hurts the most and it tears you apart

When all else fades, my soul will dance with you
where the love lasts forever

2007-01-09T22:00:00.000-08:00

The sinking feeling you get, when you're ensure of what to do.

Father, give me strength.

2006-08-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

These days it just gets harder and harder to breathe
The days feel like months and the nights are even longer.

Let's be strong together bestest best, YES we can do it! I'll always be here for you. :) :) :)

2006-08-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

I'm happy happy happy!! :) :) :) for the time being

2006-07-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

The perfect solution for when you're feeling emo or whatever terrible feeling:
eat ice-cream :) :) :)

2006-06-24T11:58:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much for all your birthday wishes! I love you all so so so much.

2006-06-15T13:26:00.000-07:00

I'm currently stuck at home with a very bad stomach cramp and ginger water no matter how hard I try does not taste good at all. YUCK!!

Had lessons yesterday, I almost fainted due to the extremely painful cramp I had and the medicine that I took, was not taking effect.I love my classmates, expecially the mummys,they made the pain alittle more endurable and I even had chocolate. Haha!! I have an outing with dearest amanda tomorrow, I hope I'm well enough and she's free to go out which we have been planning since I don't know when.

Ok, a rather short entry, with nothing but ramblings. I'm off to drink the blasted ginger water again.Bye!!

Now I'm static
As your sky is turning purple and gray
I'm learning that the further that I crawl
The further that I fall

2006-06-14T12:09:00.000-07:00

It's a terrible feeling when you're constantly thinking about it.

but on the lighter side shaun, nick and my dearest noisy's birthday is coming!!! yay!!! :) :) :)

2006-05-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

Hey, hey, hey, how have all of you been?? Haha

School's great,lecture gets alittle boring at times though but thank goodness for voon ,chris and yilin they keep me awake with their reactions to me being retarded and all. Haha, I love them so. Yup yup, I love school, it's fun fun fun and my classmates are lovely too, so much for me worrying unnecessary.

Anyway this week has been very very busy, with projects, tons of reading and seesion to prepare for, I'm so sick,tired and urgh I feel like shit. I think I woke up on the wrong side of bed ,now I in a terrible mood and I have to drag my poor sorry self out of the door in 45 minutes. Urgh!!

Ok, I have to go now, have fun in school! Bye!! :]

2006-04-19T00:35:00.000-07:00

Hey hey I'm back again, last week had been a very busy week and now i've finally had the time to blog,so alittle updates about last week

On Thursday we had the lenten pilgrimage, we did alright I guess. A big thank you again to all who helped, and I guess Jesus did help us with all our problems because on the day it self we were worried about many things but it all worked out. Yay!!!

Saturday, we had Easter vigil mass, it was awesome as it was my first easter vigil and to see the whole church litted up by the candle flames was well truly truly awesome.Everyone shared the flame as it was passed on from one to another and it was really beautiful.

Sunday!! Easter!!! Yay! Celebrated easter with post con and it was a happy happy event. Dinner was good too and i especially loved having girl talk with my two babes, it just makes everything feel better. :] :]

Oh well, school's starting on the 2nd of may, can't wait for that.Ok,off i go now,take care. Bye!!

But nights like this
It seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

2006-04-12T11:46:00.000-07:00

It's holy week!!Which means that lenten pilgrimage,Good Friday and easter are coming!! Yay!! Happy happy day!!

Anyway,I was feeling worried and troubled a few days ago, so I prayed and the lyrics of Be not afraid were in my head,"Be not afraid, I go before you always", and after that all the feelings that I was feeling before was gone and I felt calmed and happy.I felt loved.

Ok, I have to go now,please come for lenten pilgrimage at IHM if you can. Have a wonderful holy week!!

ps. singing silly songs and finding words that rhyme are fun!!I love it. <3

2006-03-26T17:42:00.000-08:00

Hello hello hello, haven't been here in the longest time. :] :]Anyway, yesterday's pnw was awesome!! I love my worship people especially my musicians who played wonderfully wonderfully well. <3 <3 <3

Life has been alright I guess, with the occasion ups and downs. But I've been given the "luxury" of seeing how some people aren't that nice or trustable as they seem to be. They're perfectly nice towards you, but when they find out something juicy about you, they proclaim it to the entire world. Sometimes they even proclaim other's juicy stories to you and you can't help but wonder will they do the same thing to you.Isn't it awesome??

Ain't life wonderful? Anyway, there's the upcoming lenten pilgrimage at IHM on the 13th of April, 5.30 at IHM's Hall A and B, we'll be going to the different churches ,tickets are at $3.00,so come if you can ok??

2006-03-07T23:14:00.000-08:00

Lord,

I need you now, please be with me.

Amen